As I shared previously, I have a varied background. I was born in South Africa to Scottish parents who, whilst born 10 miles apart, met each other nearly 10,000km's away (6,000 miles for the Americans amongst us)
I lived in Swaziland, but spent the majority of my childhood in Dubai in a British school - whilst spending most summers in France. I went to University in Stoke-on-Trent. My parents now live in Jamaica but are retiring either back to the UK or France. Most of my family lives in Scotland, excluding a brother in Dubai, and some family in Canada.
That always raises interesting questions from anyone I have ever told. The range of questions is often astounding. Most will ask about Dubai; is it a nice place? How hot is it? What did you think?
Often times, you end up having to parse a political stance from the questions around Dubai - something I have nothing against, but an annoyance nonetheless.
South Africa gets questions about safety; one person recently recounted their time on the Lions tour to me, saying they understand why I don't live there.
Swaziland - sadly - gets the least questions, often "that's a country?". Although I will always remember a former Minister of State after telling him I lived there, enthusiastically asking me about the protests in Swaziland in 2021. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was 6 years old when I left, 18 years ago.
To me, it's just one of those facts of my life; I have gotten used to it and I have friends with as varied, if not more backgrounds. Anyone who is an international kid will always have a story to tell.
Yet, often when I tell people the full story - as there is no short story - I get the feeling, in British society, of slight ostracism. My first day at University, I will never forget going around and people saying they were from Nottingham, Birmingham, London, Glasgow, and then they would turn to me and say, "where are you from?".
When you get the question, there is always a split second of, "am I going to tell them the full story?". I have, in the past, gotten bad reactions. People, once I have told them, have often dismissed themselves for living in a small English town their whole life, or having lived in the same house their whole life. I often times envy these people. The stability of having lived in a community your whole life is something I have often wondered if I would have preferred.
I have lived a nomadic life and probably will always. My friends and I often found at University that we could be much better friends with international students, as we shared their experience. My international friends, in reaction to "where are you from," often can share, "I'm British," or "South African," as they feel in touch to at least one part of their culture, which leads me to my personal point of pain to the question.
I'm born to a Scottish family (with a more Irish connection than most Irish-Americans, but I would never claim to be Irish), yet have never lived a minute in Scotland, and, as anyone who has met me can attest to, I speak with a generic English accent - whilst my parents both have a Glaswegian accent, and my brother has a South African accent (something I honestly never really found weird until it was pointed out to me recently).
I was born in South Africa, have a South African passport, and visited there often when I was younger. Yet, I don't feel as though I can call myself South African, even though my parents call me South African. I spent 13 years in Dubai, yet I can never be from Dubai - it is the true representation of a nomadic place. I have spent nearly every Summer in France since I was 10 years old, and most recent Christmases there. Yet, I am not French.
Some would call me a Third Culture Kid - a term to denote people who were raised in a culture other than their parents' or their nationality. The concept is rather interesting; as a kid, you build a relationship to the cultures you encounter - for example, my best friend when I was younger was an Australian, and, much to the chagrin of my family, younger (foolish) me wanted to be Australian as I related to him so much. The reason I have an English accent is because one of my closest friends in primary school was English, so I adopted his accent.
But, at the same time, you never develop a full relationship to any of your cultures. It feels wrong to call myself South African or Scottish. Yet, I am certainly not English nor Emirati. I will always have a connection to South Africa; the food is often something I turn to when I need comfort, or when watching Sports - especially when talking to a Kiwi or an English Person. To Scotland, I have a connection with my family, and the magic of visiting, whether it is going to Edinburgh or the Highlands, I always feel connected to that heritage, even if I will now probably never live there.
From reading about the concept of Third Culture Kids (TCKs), there was something very interesting that I would like to share. There was a survey of 700 American TCKs. There was, of course, as mentioned the typical lack of belonging, but most interesting to me was the mention of 'prolonged adolescence'. TCKs often mature much earlier than non-TCKs - this I can attest to in my own life. Being dropped off at University with not a soul to support you makes you grow up rather quickly. You learn how to do everything for yourself and become extremely independent.
Yet, prolonged adolescence is said to be when TCKs have indecision about life choices, where they will live, who they will marry, what job they will do. I can relate to that, I live in London because of my job. Yet have no attachment to the city yet don’t know where to go. And as a result of that I have strong indecisions about the work I will do. I often don’t feel a connection with most English people, most of the people I have dated or am friends with are either internationals or other TCKs. So I can often times feel out of place in British society.
It is a rather interesting concept but something I don't think about a huge amount. My own struggles with identity and belonging are something that will always live with me, but they don't usually bother me. They just make up who I am.