Just start; 30 in 30
"The world is full of possibilities, only I still don't know what they are" - Franz Kafka
I had to take some time to process my thoughts on the past 30 days. In 30 days, I wrote 34,165 words—three times the length of my bachelors dissertation.
In one sense, this was easy for me as, according to a friend, I am a 'serial yapper'. Another friend expressed surprise at someone calling me 'quiet', saying they didn't think I was quiet at all. Something I do harbour a little bit of surprise at, as I have always considered myself to be quiet.
However, once I get started on a topic or a conversation, I am entirely comfortable to keep going on. This tendency to elaborate at length has been the case with most of my writing.
I would start with a brief headline or a small idea thinking, 'Oh god, this is going to be hard,'—suddenly, two hours later, 2,000 words lay in front of me and a cull has to begin.
The challenge wasn't about improving my writing ability, which I don't think I have any particular skill in—but I do really appreciate the number of people who have told me that they found my writing well-written. It truly is a massive compliment.
It was a challenge to get started. Because, frankly there is a sense of embarrassment, a sort of self-diminishing that happens before you put yourself out there.
Why should someone listen to me? What do I have to say that is of any importance to anyone?
Especially for someone like me who is young, early in their career, barely a babe to the world. The nagging voice in your head saying “why should someone older than you even consider your opinion, no matter how ‘mature’ you think you are”.
Yet the reality is everyone has a voice, everyone has a story. There is always something to be shared and value to be gained from that. And the beauty of the internet is that complete strangers from across the world can get value from your words, your experience, your view.
I have had a complete range of people read my writing from childhood friends, family, friends I have made in London, my parents' friends, romantic partners, Twitter mutuals, complete strangers—Many of them have reached out to me to say they liked what I had written.
I really do appreciate all of you. It does still make me recoil—slightly—at the amount of personal information I have willingly shared, but at some point you need to just get over yourself and realise it doesn’t matter.
Speaking of which, the numbers really don't matter; if only I had read what I wrote, that would be enough for me. But just to give myself a pat on the back, I hadn't set any goals but reached 2,000 views on the last day of the challenge, which meant quite a lot to me.
I also look at what I wrote in such a short time and feel pride that I committed myself to a challenge and saw it through. That, at least for me, was no small feat. It meant there were often days I would be writing till 10 seconds before midnight.
But the result is a small body of work that I am both proud of and represents a part of myself in written form.
Now, obviously, the biggest fear is I have opened myself up to critique, both of my work and my opinions. If everyone in my life didn't know I am conservative, they do now. If everyone in my life didn't know I am obsessive and hyper-autistic about certain details or information, they do now.
But the reality is the world keeps on spinning. No one cares anywhere near as much about you as you do. And the act of writing those things down and getting them out into the world has been beneficial for myself.
As I had said before, I felt like I was lying to myself about my personality. I think there is obviously more to think about on that—as I received another comment that reaffirmed my poor judgment of myself.
Obviously, who you are as a person changes as you get older, but I think it is rather funny for the growth to happen with you so oblivious to it.
The outcome of this is I hope anyone who has read my writing gets a bit of inspiration.
Whether that is to start writing, to start creating, to start a hobby or an exercise habit. Literally anything. The answer will always and forever be to just start.
You won’t know what you can do unless you give it a go; “the world is full of possibilities, only I still don't know what they are.” — Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena.
The whole experience has been quite fun, I won't lie.
At the end of the day, I've drunk a bunch of whisky (possibly too much) and I've just thought and written about topics I've had grievances with for years.
And somehow people have enjoyed my semi-autistic opinions on rather obscure topics! Personal favourites of the articles were; Palace of Westminster, Basketball, and Obsession.
In particular, the article on Obsession will stick with me as it represents an acceptance of a part of my personality that society considers to be taboo. Even the word 'obsession' has negative connotations.
But it also represents a light bulb moment of a personality trait that was probably blindingly obvious to most but for some reason I ignored. And was an article that a number of people related to.
I will keep writing, likely twice a week, maybe a third if inspiration really hits. The topics will invariably still be eclectic as my mind usually is, and they are guaranteed to get more political as I return to work. But I hope you will continue to join!
PS. If anyone gets started on a new hobby or habit I would love to hear about it- grant@grantrafferty.com