Why am I writing 30 articles in December?

This is my 10th article written so far and marks a third of the total articles I will write in December. So I thought it was only fair to write about why I wanted to undertake this challenge.

I've always felt an affinity for the written word. My friends frequently comment on how I use 'fancy words'. Even when texting, I'll write at length and spend quite a while editing my own messages just to convey exactly what I mean. This is because, to me, each word has value.

Yet, I've never done anything substantive about it. I've kept a diary, but like many things in life, I've been extremely inconsistent. I've always had this fear of letting others read my own thoughts, which is partly why I've procrastinated writing publicly for so long.

Something I deeply regret, as I've found writing to be very therapeutic.

Whatever you think of him, Jordan Peterson is right in that to have clear and competently analysed thoughts, the path to that is writing. The act of writing over the last 10 days, no matter the subject, has significantly clarified my thoughts.

The result, I fear, will be a collection of eclectic articles, ranging from intensely personal pieces like this one to extremely nerdy ones, such as the one on blueberries. But for me, the simple act of getting words on a page and then editing them is deeply meditative.

Part of my motivation to write stemmed from a realisation that my personality had changed beyond what my conscious mind had acknowledged. I've always considered myself an introvert. I've never really felt the pull of people and can frequently spend days, if not weeks, on my own in relative peace.

Yet, in June, a new friend commented that they didn't see me as an introvert. That remark has genuinely been rattling around my brain since. It hasn't dominated my mind but has been more like a fluttering thought that appears once in a while.

Then, during the General Election, someone else made a similar comment; they saw me as a people's person. They advised I should avoid jobs that put me in a dark room on my own because I clearly love people.

Another friend noted that I love talking to people, and 4am chats are a common theme with me, which, upon reflection, they are.

The final straw was my boss saying he thinks my people skills are my strongest asset.

At this point, a harsh thought popped into my head: have I been essentially lying to myself?

Obviously, at 24, it's hard to claim a strong concept of who you are as a person. You've barely lived your life. But for a 24-year-old, I think I have a pretty good understanding of myself.

However, each comment contradicting my view of myself was like pulling a brick out of a wall – not enough to make it collapse but enough to be noticeable. The hole widened comment by comment.

First, a comment from someone close to me, then from a complete stranger, followed by a friend, and finally from my boss, with whom I've worked for nearly three years. Essentially, a person from every level of my life: personal, professional, and stranger. This has led to me having a long and hard reflection on who I am, something I view writing as key to distilling.

As for why I chose 30 articles in 30 days, it was simply to force myself to sit down and write.

To write at any time of the day, whether that be the moment I wake up, at lunch, after work, or late at night while watching basketball. The deadline for the next article is always on my mind. This approach also has the key effect of forcing me out of writer's block and compelling me to write about anything – whether it's things that have bothered me for months, ideas I've had for years, or thoughts that occurred to me that morning. I just have to write them down.

The deadline of having to publish something that day provides the necessary pressure to, at some point, stop editing and just press the button. Without this, I'd obsess over every word.

I don't imagine everyone reading this will be in a similar position, feeling the need to get words down on a page, but I would strongly recommend you try. Whether in a more public format like this or simply in a personal diary.

The act of pressing 'send' on an article is soothing. To use an analogy that has often come up for me, pressing send is like ‘Crossing the Rubicon’. Once you've committed, there's no turning back. The moment you press the button, you no longer control how people perceive your words or you. So, you might as well keep going, as to stop would be the real failure.

For what it's worth, on my reflections on my personality – which I'll probably revisit at some point – I am confident that 16-year-old me would not have been able to put himself out like this.

Writing like this would have been far too personal an endeavour, and I'm glad my personality has changed enough to allow me to press send on this very article.